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Stay the hell out.

Today when I opened the morning paper, I found something that reminded me why I was angry at the world. No, not that the Boogyman was sentenced to hang. That was fucking awesome. I'm talking about some blubberfest that was the first in a series following an illegal immigrant's journey into a country he doesn't deserve to live in (mine). This brings some questions immediately to mind:

1. Why did this man have to resort to immigrating illegally, unlike 3 of his siblings, who became legal U.S. residents through proper channels?

2. It is a dark day when a newpaper publishes a series glorifying people who break the law, isn't it?

3. Will I meet this ass clown at my local Taco Bell?

Why did this man want to live in America so bad? There are a multitude of reasons to do so, the most prominent of which being that Mexico is obviously a hell-hole. Now, take a moment to brace yourself before continuing on to the next sentence, be mindful of the location of the nearest first-aid kit if you need to. He wants to live in America because he's in debt. I'm not joking. He's in for a rude awakening.

Today's article was only the first in a series, in which the protagonist left his wife and kids behind to be escorted by a smuggler. Because I'm impatient, I couldn't wait for part two and I decided to look up the rest of the story. This is a summary of what I found:

Our hero was then crammed into a box where he had nothing to live on but his own defecation for 5 days. When the box was finally opened, it was by a drug task-force who shot his friend in the face. He was then stripped down by police officers and beaten by George Bush and Dick Cheney while being threatened by canine units. He was then sent back down to Mexico with a yellow "I phailed" sticker slapped on his forehead. After the bus dropped him off, he came right back across the border because he wanted more of the sodomy. He was later found voting "democrat" in the state of Texas. Big mistake. He is currently stuck in Iraq.

I can't remember how much of that I made up. It might be all of it. I don't care.

Because I'll inevitably be called a "racist" by coffee-sipping hand-wringers who didn't read enough of this rant to determine that nowhere in this entry did I say that I hated Mexicans, I want to make this point obvious: I don't hate immigrants or Mexicans. Immigration is great. I love immigration because it was one of the blessed sequences of events that lead up to me being born in a country that isn't a shithole without hot running water, lots of food, and high-speed internet. Rather, I hate illegal immigration. If you have to sneak into any place, it's because there is a reason you don't belong there, and you know that reason perfectly well.

Stay the hell out.